Relationship Coaching

Is your relationship surrounded by doubt and anxiety? Do you love your partner but not your relationship? Do you fear your relationship is on the brink? You’re in the right place!

Relationship Coaching may be for you if:

You are having doubts in / about your relationship.

You find yourself “testing” your partner or your love for your partner.
You find yourself frequently resentful toward, or disappointed in, your partner.
You compare your current relationship to past relationships or the relationships of friends and strangers.
You daydream about leaving your partner, or threaten to leave them.
You are withholding joy and intimacy or avoiding a relationship all together.
You know there are so many things you love about your partner, but you don’t feel like you love them.
You are going through a breakup or divorce, or are recovering from a relationship ending.

For years, my idea of what love should look like mostly stemmed from movies. Hallmark movies, Disney movies, and rom-coms…I was captivated by the love stories. If they weren’t jet setting across the world, kissing me in a downpour, or dramatically objecting on my wedding day to profess their lifelong love for me, I didn’t want it.

Of course, what I was chasing wasn’t healthy, or real.

Following a devastating breakup in my mid-20’s, I found myself on a path of trying to find love again, which turned more into trying to force love again. A string of unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships later, I realized I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I had no clue what healthy relationships even looked like. It was from this place that I stopped studying rom-coms, and started studying individual and couple’s psychotherapy!

Do you know what healthy relationships look like? How many examples did you have growing up of truly healthy love? We’re talking healthy: expression of emotion, conflict resolution, communication, empathy, connection, boundaries, support. How many examples of that did you have as a child? How many examples do you have of that in your life, now?

The truth is, relationships are something we’re expected to just “know” how to do without any instruction; the majority of us without any examples of how to be in healthy relationships.

Learning to be relational is a skill. You wouldn’t be expected to read a chapter book without first learning the alphabet. You wouldn’t be expected to take on a black diamond run your first time on skis. Yet, this is what we expect of ourselves, and our partners, in relationships. To do it, and do it well, without ever being taught how.

I'm devoted to teaching you how.

Personally grateful for and heavily influenced by Dr. Terry Real’s work, I utilize Relational Life Therapy (RLT) methodology along with aspects of The Gottman Method Couple’s Therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS) in tandem with my holistic coaching background to help you create a conscious, compassionate and connected relationship with yourself, and your partner.

Is relationship coaching the same as couple's therapy?

While there are similarities between relationship coaching and traditional couple’s therapy, in my work with clients, we tend to dig much deeper, much more quickly.
In our work together, we don’t focus on putting out fires, talking about all the problems in your relationship, nor take turns hearing each of your “side of the story”, because, ultimately, that’s not what is going to give you the results you’re seeking. Together, we get to the work that really matters. We focus on getting to the root of what’s been sparking these fires in the first place, and teach you the skills and solutions to extinguish them yourselves moving forward.
This work is vulnerable, transformative, and relationship saving. We clarify your relationship vision, pinpoint the obstacles preventing you from actualizing that vision, and give you a specific, action-oriented plan toward bringing that vision to life.
What if therapy hasn't worked for us in the past?

Unlike traditional therapy, our healing container is not a neutral space where we try to spare feelings. It is a space where we confront (sometimes difficult) feelings with deep empathy and compassion in service of creating the relationship you desire.
Couple’s in pain and crisis tend to be more interested in talking about problems, than solutions. A drawback to traditional couple’s counseling is that it often creates a dumping ground to amplify these problems. Couple’s may spend an hour or more dumping all the things they don’t like about one another, what isn’t working, and who did what in the past. And, I get it. There is something temporarily satisfying about putting your partner on blast in therapy. It serves as an outlet for the pain you’ve been harboring and a chance to have someone be on your “side”. It’s no doubt alluring. But, if you’re there to heal your relationship, this is NOT the way to go!
There is a better way! Together, we create a space for you both to be heard and validated, without creating more disconnection. Instead of focusing on everything that IS NOT working, we focus on what needs to shift for you both to feel like the relationship IS working. Rather than focusing on all of the problems, our work focuses on the solutions.
If traditional therapy hasn’t worked for you in the past, please don’t write your relationship off just yet. If you’re willing to dig deep to come out the other side, I’m confident healing is possible!
What can we expect?

You can expect to be nurtured with deeper self-compassion and self-awareness, learn to become interdependent rather than avoidant or codependent, and find a completely new and refreshing rhythm in your relationship. One that flows with ease, passion, generosity, connection and play.
You can expect to be encouraged and challenged to shift beliefs and patterns that are not serving you and your partner. To be held accountable to your commitments, and to be deeply and genuinely supported every step of the way. I truly am rooting for you and your success!
While the work can be uncomfortable at times, together we’ll get to the crux of where the divide is, teach you how to dispel shame and take personal responsibility, how to clearly, concisely and compassionately ask for what you need, how to healthily express your feelings and navigate disappointment, and how to truly be a partner to your partner.

"Courtney is exactly what our relationship needed. My husband and I both felt heard and respected and were finally able to move toward resolution. Courtney somehow makes the heaviest situations feel a little lighter.”

- Sara & Tim R. | St. Paul, MN

If you desire deeper connection, greater physical or emotional intimacy, more fun and laughter, and a foundation of trust and security in your relationship, coaching may be for you!

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